2011 Naughty or Nice Report

Well, I’m back and ready to present my naughty or nice findings for the Matthews family this year.

This year I’ve been tasked with a getting a letter to Santa filled with Christmas wishes from the family.

Well, we’ll just have to see if they’ve been good enough to get what they want.

The Naughty

The Redhead:

Let’s be honest, nine blog posts for an entire year is completely unacceptable. Doesn’t the Redhead know that her one major duty as a modern Mormon woman is to keep a mommy blog full of idyllic family scenes. If Salon knows this then she should too. Sure, you can justify her failures with a multitude of excuses ranging from working on her thesis, perpetual exhaustion, a surprise baby resulting in three children age 4 and under. Blah blah blah. Excuses aren’t enough to get you on the nice list. Plus, while I was snooping around doing my job, I came across this little thing:

Yeah, I don’t even know what to do with this…

And don’t think for one second that winning the Best Costume trophy at the Ward Trunk-or-Treat for the costumes she designed and hand-made for her children is enough to negate this. It isn’t.

Moving right along, making his second appearance on the naughty list

Baby William:

Yes, maybe he is as cute as a pumpkin…

Sorry, couldn’t resist. Nevertheless, cute doesn’t make up for the fact that this kid is still waking up twice during the night and he turns one year old in a week! No wonder the Redhead is such a mess.

It is also a personal belief of mine that any baby that doesn’t enjoy horse kisses is automatically suspect.

And in true William fashion, he has yet to walk and seems disinclined to do so. No big deal unless you have to walk in order to go to school, which William does so the Redhead can finish her thesis.

So naughty it is. Man, two years in a row and the kid isn’t even one yet. I’m afraid William will always have a place on the check twice list. Tragic.

(Since I am one of Santa’s elves I am required by cosmic law to mention some positives for each child. William is the cutest and friendliest baby that was ever born. True Fact. He is an expert clapper and says the word “duck” with gusto.

Plus, he is dapper just like his dad so maybe there is hope for him in the future.)

The Nice

The Bald One:

Let’s face it, this man is a saint. Do you know how crazy this family is? He lives by that most Santa-like mantra that it’s more fun to be happy than sad. Or he has been lobotomized. One or the other.

Anyway, he’s a great dad!

And he scraped off all that popcorn on the ceiling of the Triangle House which automatically put him on the nice list.

Sylvia:

Sylvia turned three this year and it’s a little known fact that Santa Claus loves three-year olds!

I know it’s weird but after observing Sylvie I can say without hesitation, she deserves to be on the nice list.

She is such a helpful girl and brings so much joy into the world! Plus, she spells her name better than any three-year old I know. Oh, I just know Santa loves this girl.

George:

I have to be honest, I was worried about George at the beginning. He started the new year by throwing a toy train at his one week old brother. And then, of course, there was the beautiful mural he drew on his Auntie Weasie’s bedroom wall.

Permanent marker and plaster walls are a tricky medium but George took to it like a true master.

However, George really turned it around and has had a great year. He’s a wonderful brother, a diligent student,

And a king among boys.

In my humble elfish opinion, despite two out of three naughty redheads, the Matthews pretty great and I feel lucky that they’re my family.

Trust me, it could be a lot worse. You should see my friend Zarkle’s family, two words:  Train. Wreck.

Well, I’ve got to get back to the North Pole and hand in my report. See you next year!

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